18. Farts *
by admin - May 12th, 2008.Filed under: *, 11-20. Tagged as: farts, joke, laughter.
Okay, I know this one isn’t as picturesque and touching as some of the other items on my list, but I wrote my 100 Things list honestly, so “farts” it is.
“Ladies” don’t like farts (or burps), and neither do “moms.” I don’t think I was raised to be a True Lady, but if Moms don’t like farts, I might not be a good Mom.
Because I think the sound of most farts is hilarious! Some are deep and vibrating, some are squeaky. Some are musical and some aren’t. Some you know are coming, and others just sort of surprise you. I have some funny stories about particularly embarrassing farts from my past, one of which I deny to this day, and another of which makes me remember some funny times at the end of my 7th-grade year.
Nevertheless, they make me laugh. So much so that I got a farty birthday e-card from Sarah for my first birthday 4,700 miles away from my family and friends. It was perfect! (Sorry, the videos don’t work anymore.)
Sometimes Rob laughs with me, and sometimes I laugh alone. I look forward to being an old granny who can fart whenever she wants because she’s old.
Here’s one of my favorite fart jokes.
Betty, an retiree, visits her doctor. “So, Betty, what’s wrong with you today?” the doctor asks politely.
“Doc, I’ve got this terrible problem! You’ve gotta help me!” Betty pleaded, “I fart all the time, I mean, I’ve farted at least 10 times since I walked in the room. But,” and she paused, looking down at her hands, “they are always silent and they don’t smell.”
The doctor looked a little confused, but after considering the problem for a few moments, wrote a prescription. “Here, Betty, take this and make another appointment in a month.”
“Oh, thanks, doc!”
[One month later]
“So, Betty, how’s your condition?” the doctor inquired when Betty showed up in his office again.
“Well, doc, it’s a little better. I’m still farting continuously, but now at least they smell like a proper fart. They’re still silent, though,” Betty explained.
“Well, Betty, now that we’ve fixed your nose, let’s see what we can do about your hearing.”
Edit: Many thanks to Sarah, who alerted me to a fun fart-related word at Urban Dictionary: “farticles.” Definition 1 is my favorite.