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About xgravity23

I am a social media enthusiast in Springfield, MO #Sgf, who runs, reads, and tries to wear out @RowdyVizsla. #YNWA #LFC #Vizsla. I write about crafts, running, and my successes in becoming more organized and productive (and the web apps/programs that help me). Or whatever strikes me as interesting: I blog so that I have an excuse to write.

Love Causes Growing Pains

REAL TRUE LOVE DOESN’T HURT IN A NEGATIVE WAY; THE ONLY PAINS REAL LOVE CAUSES ARE “GROWING PAINS.”

You can’t spend a lifetime with someone and not expect him to change at all. How’s that, you ask? Well, for me, the most noticeable change in my life comes between the ages of 18 and 20. During those years, I pretty much became a new person. And I there was a notable change between years 21 and 23 for me, as well. One could follow the change of a different aspect of my personality through each time frame mentioned, and this is what makes life so complex–you are not the same person you were this time last year, and neither is your partner. But how do you fight the tides and stay compatible?

As you change over time, so does your partner, and therefore you must adapt to each other. You must watch him and constantly be aware of his changing needs, and he should be doing the same. That way, you will always be learning to better fit your partner–it is a lifelong process that never ends. It’s almost like a game; except that it is much more serious than any game… your marriage is at stake. And sometimes it isn’t easy to shift your attention from meeting your needs to meeting his, but it must be done.

If you don’t adapt to each other, one day you could wake up and not recognize the man in bed next to you, and you will realize that your marriage has become only two people living not the united life of Marriage, but two disjointed, disconnected lives that have almost nothing to do with each other, except perhaps children and some shared memories.

These are just my thoughts on what I have experienced either directly or indirectly in my life so far. I make no claim of absolute truth, but I do confidently certify that the above information is probably some pretty damn good advice–it is, however, up you YOU to take it or leave it.

RickardLaSuede (Xanga) responded:

“People change. That’s a fact. But I’m not sure that adapting to someone else is that important. It’s more important to just accept changes, to offer a certain amount of freedom to grow and to have i life outside the partnership. And sometimes divorce is better than adaptation. Sad but true.”

I responded:

Wow, RickardLaSuede… Respectfully, I’m glad i’m not married to you. Because I think that adaptation is definitely not too much to ask for, especially when you vow to be with someone through richer, poorer, sickness, health, etc. Besides, small adaptation, changing your mind, your attitude, perhaps even your beliefs, etc, slightly over time to adapt your partner would be much easier in the long run than divorce. Have you been through divorce, either firsthand (you and your spouse) or second-hand (your parents/guardians)? Because if you haven’t, you really have no idea what it is like on the inside. I have experienced it second-hand, and it is most definitely something that I do not want to put myself through, nor would I want to subject my children to what divorce does to a child. (I think I fared rather well, considering the circumstances, but that is neither here nor there.)

But I digress… I’m not asking for life-shattering changes where you look back two days and cannot recognize yourself. Just minute adjustments that make a huge difference when viewed over a lifetime.

Because Life is a unidirectional course we are all on. None of us can go back and unsay or undo anything. You can travel on this course WITH the person to whom you have vowed your life, or you can each take your own paths through Life. And maybe you will manage to stay close along that path–that is definitely desirable. But I personally do not want to take the chance that I will wake up one day and realize that Hubby and I have gone our separate ways, in minute little steps away from each other, which add up to miles and miles over the course of twenty-something years. I am choosing right now (well, I chose almost eleven months ago) to keep myself close, to keep myself connected with my husband, so that when we celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary, I will be celebrating a lifetime of good days, horrible days, high points, low points, all overcome and enjoyed together. And whether you like it or not, good days, horribly terrible days, high points, and low points change you, and they will change your spouse as well, though you will not be changed in the same way, because you are different people. And that is why adapting yourself to your spouse is so vitally important. Understanding him and rising to meet him, anticipating how he will react and planning a response or reaction that will draw you closer together, not add any distance between you…

Divorce

Why is it so wrong for a divorcee to be happy and settling comfortably into a new relationship? It happens all the time. Usually, more often than not, the person who sought the divorce is further along the path to recovery and regains his or her normal life more quickly than the person who was surprised with the divorce.

Thoughts on Old Friends

Sometimes I’m scared to get back in contact with friends I used to be really close to, because I’m afraid that I have changed too much, and they will be disappointed in who I have become, because I think I have changed quite a bit since high school when we were all together all the time.

Even though I don’t write some of those friends, I think about them a lot. Friends are very valuable to me. I see so many people who aren’t blessed with the great people that I have been. There are some girls at work who are just mental cases, and I think that they would be entirely different women if they had one friend like any of mine. I have truly been blessed with some of the truest, zaniest, smartest friends in the world who light up my world just by being themselves. Thank you.

The Best of Linden’s Pensieve

These are my favorite posts and your favorite posts, as determined by number of comments and Google Analytics data.

Races, Paces, and Goals

Jump to…
races
paces
goals

Upcoming Race(s)

None currently
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PRs

1m: 8:24 (8 Sep 2007)
5k: 33:15 (24 Mar 2007)
10k: 1:08:56 (10 Nov 2007)
21.1k: 2:37:57 (14 Oct 2007)
42.2k: 4:49:04 (28 Oct 2008)

All Race Results

35th real,- Berlin Marathon

28 September 2008
4:49:04
(11:02)

LIMES-Winterlaufserie 10k

10 November 2007
1:08:56
(11:18)

Gießener-Walking-Day 21.1k Straßenlauf

14 October 2007
2:37:57
(12:06)

2nd Annual Summit Preparatory Run, 1 mile walk (I ran)

8 September 2007
8:24

4th Annual Aldersgate U.M.C. 10k Road Race

23 June 2007
1:15:12
(12:07)

2007 Frisco Highline Run for Scouting

24 March 2007
33:15
(10:43)

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Distance-Time Goals

I mostly set these goals based on the overall time, not the pace, but the pace is good info to know. :)

1 mile: 8 minutes, then 7 minutes
5k: 30 minutes (9:40), then 26:25 (8:30)
10k: 60 minutes (9:40), then 50 minutes (8:03)
21.1k: 2:30:00 (11:26), then 2:10:00 (9:55)
42.2k: 4:30:00 (10:18), then 4:00:00 (9:09)
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About Me

Jump to…
About this Blog
Who Am I?
Favorite Books and Authors
Favorite Movies
Favorite Musical Artists
Favorite Quotes

About this Blog

As a Missourian teaching English in Germany, I write about differences between USA and Germany. I also write about running and my successes in becoming more organized and productive (and the web apps/programs that help me).

Who Am I?

I am Linden. I am wife, I am sister, daughter, best friend, teacher, colleague, random smiler on the street. I am runner, I am running partner. I am friendly, lonely, loving; I am curious, energetic, dedicated, confused, and searching.

I always become deeply engaged in whatever I’m doing. I am learning to deal with my perfectionism. I doubt myself like you doubt yourself. I am growing. I welcome criticism because it helps me grow. I love Granny Smith, Elstar, and Jazz apples. I love ice cold water after brushing my teeth. I love light purple and I love bright blue skies with fluffy white clouds. I love walking in rain, hearing it, feeling it on my skin. I love laughing deep belly laughs inspired by something or nothing at all.

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10 of My Favorite Books and Authors

The Bean Trees
Harry Potter (my favorites are The Prisoner of Azkaban and The Half-Blood Prince)
Les Miserables
The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings
Rebecca
Sula
The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle

Flannery O’Connor
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Mark Twain

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10 of My All-time Favorite Movies

10 Things I Hate About You
The Big Lebowski (All Things Considered interview The Dude)
Drowning Mona
Juno
Kill Bill Vol. 1 & Vol. 2
Kung Fu Hustle
Little Miss Sunshine
Napoleon Dynamite
Pulp Fiction
The Whole Nine Yards

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10 of My Favorite Musical Artists

Adele
The Beatles
Coldplay
Kanye West
Maynard Ferguson
Mozart
Mute Math
Paul McCartney
Silverchair (and the Dissociatives)
Vivaldi

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10ish of My Favorite Quotes

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him. Maya Angelou

It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor. Seneca

Life, if well lived, is long enough. Seneca

Life is full of hard bits. But between the hard bits are the lovely bits. Lily in Eagle vs. Shark

Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, “Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?” Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner, via Frayed Laces (I think)

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. Steve Prefontaine

Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss… I think he like to scream at us.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no harm.
Fezzik: He’s really very short on charm.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

From The Princess Bride

Linden: Do pineapples have vitamin C in them?
Moira: They taste of sunshine: they must have!

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. Carl Sandburg

The things that one most wants to do are the things that are probably most worth doing. Winifred Holtby

It’s wonderful what we can do if we’re always doing. George Washington

Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I’m doing. Phil Jackson

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. Gordon R. Dickson

Contact Me

Feel free to leave a comment on any post–I always respond to them. Not right away, but I will answer!

If you’d prefer to get in direct contact, email is the best way: Email me at linden.mueller(at)gmail.com.

Linden on the Web

Linden’s Links (Diigo)
Linden’s Facebook Profile (Be sure to send a message with your friend request: As a rule, I don’t add people I don’t know, so just tell me you found me through my blog.)
Linden’s MySpace page (Be sure to send a message with your friend request: As a rule, I don’t add people I don’t know, so just tell me you found me through my blog.)
Linden’s Pictures (Picasa)
Linden’s Froogle Wish List
Linden’s Panoye Profile
Linden’s Plurk Page
Linden’s Twitter
Linden’s Shared Feed-Reader Items
Linden’s Friend Feed
Linden’s Bookshelf (BookCrossing.com)
Linden’s Documents and Other Files (Box.net)
Linden’s World Clock
Some Cute Kitties